The case of the straying paw

Written by: Stace and Hedon

Hedon and I are generally of similar opinions and don’t argue often. Once in a while, though, we do arrive at opposite opinions of a situation. This is the premiere of what will likely become a regular category: She Said/She Said.  We will lay out our cases before you. All verdicts on She Said/She Said will come from the jury of public opinion.

Before beginning the arguments, here’s the background information required to reach a decision in this case.

Background

Like in other big trucks, we have an electric window on the passenger side (and only on the passenger side), one assumes so that the window can be raised and lowered from the driver’s seat. Whatever. There is a rocker button controlling this window on both doors.

Maggie loves to hang her head out the passenger window when we’re traveling at lower speeds, like below 35 mph or so. Whenever we slow down she runs to the passenger window and scratches at it like a maniac, letting us know in no uncertain terms that we are to roll down the window immediately so she can hang her head out. She gets to sniff “new” air and we can admire how cute she is with her ears flapping in the wind.

There’s really only one big problem with this setup: we are afraid she might fall out of the truck. To this end, we only let the window down enough for her to get her head and neck out. Problem solved, right? Nope. Because it’s an electric window and because of the way she stands to get her head out, Maggie sometimes steps on the button on the door and sends the window all the way down, and we cannot override this from the driver’s seat as long as she’s standing on it. When this happens, much mayhem ensues.

“Get off the button, Maggie! Get off the button! Off! Button! Get! Get off the button!” is the typical chant, in increasing urgency and pitch, while Maggie happily ignores us and reaches out further into the void. Commands get sterner until finally Mags adjusts her position to see what all the carrying on is about, and we can, once again, raise the window to an appropriate level.

We have long worried that one day Maggie would figure out the connection between the button and the lowering of the window. So far, we have agreed that Maggie sees the situation in her doggie logic as:  “when I scratch on the window, it goes down.” She sees neither us nor the button as having any connection whatsoever to the action of the window.

End Background, Begin Arguments

She-Said Plaintiff: Stace

Hedon has been on the same page with me about Maggie’s dog logic, until recently.

I will admit that Maggie has been standing on the rocker button and rolling down the window a lot in the last few weeks. But I insist that it is just a consequence of how she has taken to standing on the door. Her paw just naturally lands on the button because of her position. Hedon has become increasingly less convinced of this, so much so that when I wasn’t looking, she popped the lid off a plastic container and taped it over the button on the passenger door so it can’t be depressed.

I didn’t much comment on it. I figure if nothing else, it will save some trouble and worry, regardless of what the dog does or does not understand. Hedon is a concerned dog owner. But now I’m not so sure.

I offer tonight’s alarming conversation as evidence –

Hedon (in driver’s seat talking to Maggie): No, no!

Stace (back in bunk): What’s she doing now?

Hedon: She’s trying to chew off that lid I taped on the door.

Stace: Well, it is kind of tempting for her. All that tape to pull and stuff.

Hedon: She’s not after the tape or the lid. She trying to get to that button.

Stace: Eh? No she’s not.

Hedon: Oh yes she is. Before I sat down she was over here in the driver’s seat and put the window down. I shooed her off when I sat down and I put the window back up. She went right over there and started to try to get to that other button.

Stace: ::::::disbelieving silence::::::::

Hedon: It’s true. I know you think she’s all innocent and this window stuff is just accidental, but I’m telling you that dog is a lot more clever than you think. She’s wily. She knows exactly what she’s doing.

Stace: She just wants to chew on the lid.

Hedon: You’re wrong. I’m telling you … the dog is diabolical.

End of conversation.

I don’t know for sure, but Hedon appears to have gone a little nutty.  I offer the following photos as additional evidence in my case.

Stace's Exhibit A

Stace Exhibit B

Stace’s Exhibit B — Look at that little face. Diabolical? I say, poppycock!

I assert that Hedon has clearly gone a little nutty. I now rest my case.

She-Said Defendant: Hedon

You, Madam, are a scoundrel and a scallywag! Trying to influence the court of public opinion with your cleverly posed photographic evidence. I am not crazy! And I too have photo evidence:

Hedon Exhibit A

The defense will show that the dog has in fact figured out how to control the window sometime within the last six weeks or so. Oh… she used to think that scratching on it somehow caused it to magically open, but at some point recently she realized that if scratching didn’t work she could stand just right and make it lower on her own.

For months she would rush up to the window and scratch maniacally to have the window lowered. She was convinced the scratching somehow made it happen. If the scratching didn’t work right away what did she do? I’ll tell you what she did… she looked around, chomped on a toy, sniffed her butt, or any one of a number of completely unrelated actions. Then she tried scratching again. Then butt sniffing. Then scratching. Then toy chomping. Then scratching. She alternated scratching with a completely random action until either the window went down or we yelled that it was “too damn hot to open the window so knock it off before we lose our minds!”

Back when she was still an innocent pup, she used to stand with her paws much farther back on the arm rest of the door when she leaned out. Then a few times she stood more forward and accidentally put the window down farther on her own. Suddenly that started happening more often. And, as you said in your argument, its been happening a lot in the last few weeks.

It has gotten so bad now that — over and over again recently — I have seen her rush up into her chair when the truck slows down, make a few half-hearted scratches at the window, shoot me a sly glance when you aren’t looking, and immediately lean forward into her new I’ll-put-the-window-down-anytime-I-want-to-and-what-are-you-going-to-do-about-it position. The one that she has you lulled into thinking is just an innocent position that just happens to make her accidentally put the window down all the way. Every time.

If she isn’t doing it on purpose why does she consistently go into that position as soon as the window doesn’t go down immediately from the scratching? Why isn’t she still doing crazy random crap then trying again with the scratching? Ah-ha! Because she knows. She knows she doesn’t have to.

Hedon Exhibit B

She’s diabolical I tell you.  I am not crazy.  The defense rests… in a perfectly lucid and rational manner.

End of arguments

Summation

The case has been presented. The question is, has Hedon gone a little nutty? The results are up to you  (FYI, voting that both of us are clearly nuts does not count, no matter how much it may actually be true). Thank you.