Trial update from HagWire
Dog declared diabolical
from HagWire staff reports
Highway Hags blogspace, USA (HW) — In a unanimous decision yesterday, the jury of public opinion voted 2-0 in favor of the defendant, Hedon, in the She-Said/She-Said court. Hedon was declared to be not as nutty as claimed by the plaintiff, Stace, and that the dog in question, a beagle named Maggie, is likely diabolical.
Court watchers, who had closely followed the Case of the Straying Paw as it developed over the hours leading up to the trial, expressed no surprise at the verdict.
One watcher was quoted as saying, “It was that last picture that did it. That dog should be named El Diablo. I mean, did you see those horns?”
A member of the HagWire staff caught up to a tired-looking Hedon on her way out of the courtroom and asked her how she felt about her victory.
“I’m thrilled to have won, of course. But right now I’m just glad it’s over and my life can get back to normal. My thanks go out to the jury for their well-considered decision,” Hedon stated.
When approached by reporters, Stace, the plaintiff, stated “No comment.” Later, after smoking a cigarette, she agreed to answer a question if someone would go get her a Diet Coke. No one had any change so Stace waved off reporters and wandered off without giving her opinion.
An insider, who has requested anonymity, told the HagWire staff that Stace can be a sore loser.
“She’s probably off somewhere eating a cake,” our source said. “She’s a real bad binge eater, I’ve heard, and can put away a whole Sara Lee chocolate cake in just under 10 minutes.”
Maggie, the dog at the center of the dispute, did not appear in court and has failed to return multiple phone calls from HagWire staff. Rumors have circulated that Maggie, when the case was filed, snuck away to a resort in Bora Bora in an attempt to avoid media exposure. These rumors have yet to be substantiated.