Civil suit to be filed against Highway Hag

2008 October 13
tags:
by Stace

from Staff Reports

Hagwire (HW) Beverly Hills, CA — According to thoroughly unconfirmed insider sources, Princess Daddysgirl of MTV’s “My Super Sweet Sixteen” fame, has filed suit in California civil court against Hedon, an obscure author of an even more obscure blog called Highway Hags. Charges in the suit relate to a review of “My Super Sweet Sixteen” posted at the Hag site on Oct. 10.

Unjustifiable rumors and hearsay imply that charges in the suit include defamation of non-character, willful malice, unfounded scenarios and perfidious malcontent. One legal expert consulted by Hagwire staff insists that such charges cannot exist, while a different legal expert stated that they could well be true, as “just about any cockamamie thing can be found in the California legal code.”

Sources deep inside the Daddysgirl household told others outside the household, who told others even further away, that Princess has been suffering intolerable throes of agony since she read the scathing review of her appearance on the MTV show.

“Poor Princess is a mess,” said a source. “All she does is lie around on her pink velvet chaise lounge raving about how her party has been ruined. She hasn’t spent a dime in two days. Her parents are frantic with worry.”

A different outsider said, “A maid found one of Princess’s sparkling golden hairs on the floor, a sure sign to everyone that her psychological wounds are so deep that she has been pushed into self-mutilation. It proves that Princess has plucked out one of her very own perfect hairs in a hopeless attempt to make the emotional pain go away, if only for the briefest of moments. Her parents are frantic with worry.”

A third rumormonger added, “I heard that Poor Mrs. Daddysgirl just sits on the floor next to Princess asking over and over again if she can please-please buy her daughter something, anything. It’s heartbreaking. As for Mr. Daddysgirl, well, someone told me he said, ‘That five-digit-income, blue-collar washout has gotten above herself. I’ll show her what happens to peons who think they can criticize their betters. That site is going down!’ Or something like that. That’s what I heard, I think.”

Hagwire staff contacted Hedon via the e-mail address posted at the now obscurely infamous blog Highway Hags, asking her if she had heard of the law suit and if she wished to respond to the charges.

Hedon said that she wasn’t too surprised to hear that the Daddysgirl family planned to sue her. “I just told the truth about Princess. Deep down, those parents know that what their daughter really needs is a smack upside her head and a job behind the counter at McDonald’s.”

She continued, “But they won’t admit that. And you know why? Because it’s all about The Man keeping the little guy down. The Man! He thinks his threats will make me stop telling our five readers the truth. Well, that’s not gonna happen. This little guy is gonna fight back.”

After some generic rambling about The Man, Hedon said, “I’ll fight back. I’ll counter sue them for … for … negligible indecency, implacable capitalistic molestation and emotional trespass. Oh, the emotional trespass. I feel a swoon coming on, a butchly swoon mind you, not some femmy girly swoon. Yep, here I go. Are you recording this? Keep the tape. I’ll need it as evidence.”

Hagwire once again contacted our legal experts for their opinions on what the legal ramifications of these counter-charges might be. Our first legal expert said, “I’m telling you that these charges are absurd. They do not exist. Go away.” Our second expert told our reporter, “I’ve definitely heard of negligible indecency. Though I think that law usually applies to strippers who don’t completely take off their tops. Anyway, it’s California, like I said. Cockamamie. Who knows? Does a tree falling in the forest make a sound if you aren’t there to hear it? Some questions just can’t be answered.”

In an interview the day following the first interview, Hedon continued to vow vengeance should the Daddysgirl family take her to court. When asked if she thought she could win a case against such a wealthy and powerful family, Hedon said, “If O.J. could finally get what was coming to him, then there’s gotta be hope that the Daddysgirl family will get theirs. Down with The Man! Power to the people! Power to the people!”

None of the Daddysgirls have been available for comment, though a spokesperson for the family released a one-line statement which read, “Princess’s parents are frantic with worry.”

6 Responses
  1. 2008 October 13

    As one of your five esteemed readers I am shocked to find that the Princess celebutant is pursueing legal remedies. I thought the girl was all about media attention – did I miss something?

    In other news, I’ve tagged you on my blog. Rules are there under post named “Tagged” dated Oct. 10th (I think).

  2. 2008 October 13

    Very funny post. But with all the big words you’re throwing around in there, it looks to me like someone is trying to boost their blog’s reading level.

    Would that be a correct assessment, Missy?

    Nice try – but the sneaking in of big words wasn’t missed by MY eagle eye, that’s for sure. Nice try.

    CAPTCHA: Highway Webster (The Dictionary used by the Hags, perhaps?)

  3. 2008 October 13

    “just about any cockamamie thing can be found in the California legal code.” hahaha! loving the negligible indecency angle!

  4. 2008 October 13

    Decorina,

    I presume Princess has yet to learn that any press is good press. We’ll give her time; she’s only sixteen.

    Salena,

    I unequivocally and unambiguously repudiate your allegation that I participated in any premeditated stratagem which could have effectuated a metamorphosis of our blog reading level.

    Chat Blanc,

    A related statute is “exceptional indecency” which is most often charged against very large men in Speedos. I think it’s a felony. It should be if it’s not.

  5. 2008 October 14

    Oh! My! Dog! But that was funny…thank the lil’ critters I wasn’t drinking my tea at the time of reading otherwise the walls nearest me would now be decorated in a fetching tea-stained beige. As it is I’m still chuckling albeit quietly to myself.

    Dang but you two are funny! Oh, and Stace, I love you reply to Selena, great word-play! :)

  6. 2008 October 16

    Alex,

    Too bad you weren’t drinking the tea. You could team up with Princess and make it a class-action suit. Course while I would never consider settling with them… I would consider driving up to the great north and painting your walls…

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