Top Design

2008 November 3
by Hedon

So we are sitting here in our big old recliners watching some show called “Top Design” which is a big popular show on Bravo. I thought I would explain the show to you all in case you haven’t seen it.

There is this panel of apparently famous interior designer type people who are the judges of this competition. Each week the contestants are given some challenge involving shopping, painting, decorating and defending their theme for some weird space. They are usually limited either by time constraints, cash constraints, or some other twist to hamper their design efforts. Then the panel of extremely smug and somewhat prissy judges come to each contestant’s area and they have to discuss the space and why they did what they did with it. It usually goes like this:

So Becky, I see that you decided to exercise your design sensibilities and paint your entire space jet black with little sparkles of glitter on the walls. Tell us about your thought process.

Well, Sir Prancy, I wanted my space to be The Bowary meets Studio 54 meets The Jetsons. I knew I wanted to use a lot of chrome in my design and make it really upscale and futuristic. Kind of Jetsons meets Studio 54. But then when you said that we were only allowed to spend $18 on day one of this challenge and the rest of our materials had to come from the dumpster behind the Target… well that seemed to suggest The Bowary.

How did you come up with that storage unit in the corner?

When I saw the dented shopping cart, I realized it was chrome and nasty so I thought it fit the theme well. Once I got the drunken bum out of the cart I decided to weave the weeds growing over in the corner of the lot around the cart’s wheels to signify the stagnation of a future where people snort coke and drive brief-case-space-cars.

Tell us about these coasters on the coffee table.

Well when you gave us a budget of $15,000 for the second day I couldn’t resist these little gems for $12,000 per set. They were hand-crafted by Tibetan virgins using virgin Yak hair and mud from the Tinka river collected before the rainy season began.

They’re lovely. Thank you.

Then the panel of judges moves onto the next contestant’s space and the conversation is repeated. After talking to all the contestants, the panel meets privately — but still on camera – to talk about all the rooms. They smugly pan every single space for one reason or other. Then they talk for a brief time about how great they on the panel are and how lucky the contestants are to be there in their presence.

Finally they drag all the contestants back in front of the panel and destroy the dreams of one of the hopefuls by sending them home in disgrace and shame. Good show.

2 Responses
  1. 2008 November 3

    hahaha! I’m a bravo tv addict and having seen the show I must say, your description is spot on! :)

  2. 2008 November 4

    I’ve seen that one, but not often. I get depressed that someone doesn’t give me a $15,000 budget to re-do something at my place. lol.

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