Twenty minutes makes all the difference

2008 November 23
by Stace

Outside a truck stop with a McDonald’s at 12:30 a.m. local

Hedon (climbing into truck): Don’t get excited, there’s no food.

Stace: It’s not open 24 hours like they said?

Hedon: No, they’re closed for 20 minutes to reset their computers or something.

Stace: Oh, are we gonna wait?

Hedon: Hell, yes. That snarky little bitch is going to be forced to wait on me.

Stace: Hmm.

Hedon: When she told me they were closed for 20 minutes I gave her that look of mine. You know …

Stace: Yeah, I know.

Hedon: And I said, “I thought you were open 24 hours. And she said, “We are.” And I said, “Are you open right now?” And she said, “No.” And I said, “Then you’re not open 24 hours.” And she said all bitchy, “Yes we are. It’s just 20 minutes.” And I said, “Looks to me like you’re only open 23 hours and 40 minutes. Surely they’ve taught you enough math to figure that out.” And she rolled her eyes at me.

Stace: You’re becoming quite the crank, you know.

Hedon: She was a snarky little bitch.

Stace: Aren’t you a bit young to be turning into such an old crank?

Hedon (Clearly ignoring Stace’s comment): …

Stace: God help us when you’re 60.

Hedon (Still ignoring Stace’s comment): Don’t worry. I’ll keep an eye on her sorry ass while she fills the order. There won’t be any spitting on our food, by god.

12 Responses
  1. 2008 November 23

    I just love these special moments in a relationship. LOL

  2. 2008 November 23

    Oh and…..did they get the order right?

  3. 2008 November 23
    Belledog permalink

    McD’s should have comped some coffees or sundaes for dessert for having you wait 20 minutes. Or given Maggie a free burger, hold the bun and all the trimmings. McIdjits.


    Obit for a woman who was the Henri Cartier-Bresson of big rig photography. Who knew?

    RIP Bette Garber. Would have been an interesting person to meet. (Did you ever meet her, or read her magazine work or books?)

  4. 2008 November 23

    Yep, looks like 23 hrs 40 min to me too. What a crock of shit. This is why people go nuts and drive through the walls of places. lol.

  5. 2008 November 23

    I would just like to say in my defense:

    A) I actually went to all the trouble to call ahead to see if they were open 24 hours so we would be able to fuel, grab something to eat, and hit the road again quickly.

    B) Guy on the phone said they were open 24 hours. Guy on the phone did not say they were open 24 hours except for various twenty minute periods when they mysteriously closed to “reset” things.

    C) We had not eaten in like 9.5 hours and I was starting to get hungry which will on occasion make me sort of grumpy and much more likely to insist that terms like “24 hours” have specific definitions — which are not being met if you are closed to “reset” things.

    D) Snarky little girl behind counter had an attitude from the beginning — probably because she had to take a 15 second break from talking to her punk little boyfriends — who were standing around with their hats on backwards and their pants falling off — in order to tell me they were closed for twenty minutes.

    E) She actually ROLLED HER EYES AT ME when I said they weren’t open 24 hours.

    F) What on earth could McDonalds need twenty minutes to “reset” anyway? I mean it’s not like we’re talking about some sort of spy satellite net change over or something.

  6. 2008 November 23

    SMB, they actually did get the order right. Girl was likely forced to pay attention thanks to the evil-eye I’m sure Hedon was giving her the entire time.

    Belledog, I think I read an article about her in “The Trucker” once. It’s a vague recollection, though.

    Sheila, I agree.

    Hedon, there’s no need to defend yourself. You may be a crank, but you’re a cute crank.

  7. 2008 November 23

    I am with Hedon 1000% on this one. I cannot bear fast food workers. It’s ALL of them. Almost everywhere. It’s EXTREMELY rare that they are a) pleasant, b) competent, c) both.

    This morning, Ed went into McDonald’s for breakfast. But he got in there at 10:40 am and of COURSE they stop serving breakfast at 10:30. This I don’t understand. I mean, who eats burgers and fries at 10:30 in the morning??? Why don’t they serve breakfast till 11:30 and then start serving lunch at noon?

    Not that I haven’t eaten lunch at 11am on occassion, but it just seems they get such great pleasure in TELLING you they aren’t serving what you want anymore.

    I stopped once at a McDonald’s on the turnpike in Indiana and it was after midnight. I stood in line while the snail at the register waited on the people in front of me. I wanted the 2 cheeseburger meal but when I got up to the counter, she slid this “menu” in front of me on the counter. I placed my order and she said, “We don’t have that.” I said, “What?” She said, “We don’t have the 2 cheeseburger meal.” I was TOTALLY confused, knowing that I was looking at it RIGHT ON THE MENU BOARD.

    She said, “This is all we have.” and pointed to the menu thing she placed in front of me as I was placing my order. It was an limited menu that they offer after 1 am. I was so pissed, since I didn’t want what they had on the menu – none of which was the little cheeseburger. And I KNOW they have the back there, because they were just available 30 seconds before she put that sign down – if only I had been the person ahead of me in line.

    But I “got her back” for giving me an attitude – I made her make fresh fries since they ones she tried to pass off on me were cold and spongy. BullSHIT.

    I took great pleasure in that coup.

  8. 2008 November 24

    Being out at that hour of the morning entitles you to be a tad cranky, especially at any and all McDonalds. Btw: do people still eat at those places, aren’t they some sort of health hazard?

    Note to self: warning labels need not apply.

  9. 2008 November 24

    Hedon, I think I can safely say that you are my idol when it comes to dealin with fast food jackass’s. this same thing happened to me at a Jack in the crotch once but I was so pissed off that they wouldn’t serve me right then I burned rubber all the way out of the drive thru.

  10. 2008 November 25
    Belledog permalink

    So where will the esteemed Hags be on Thanksgiving? Here is hoping that it is a McD and fast food free day (unless you all prefer to partake of fast food on the nation’s tribute holiday to slow cooked cuisine…)

  11. 2008 November 26
    Belledog permalink

    A working beagle retires.

    LA Times on Shiloh, agricultural inspection hound. Mandatory retirement at age 9; going to live in Long Beach with her handler. (Happily ever after, I hope.),0,6045344.story

  12. 2008 November 26


    I think that’s a big part of the problem… that they seem to get SO MUCH PLEASURE out of telling you they can’t do whatever it is you want. I almost always make them do fresh fries if it’s in the middle of the night and they almost always act like I just asked them to go plant, tend, and harvest the potatos before dumping them in the fryer.


    Well the warning labels are difinitely there, but it’s often hard for a trucker to find anything except fast food. Unfortunately, Outback Steakhouse doesn’t have truck parking. Actually I guess that’s a good thing or Stace and I would be bankrupt in short order.


    Ugh! Jack in the Box is one of the worst, aren’t they? Hell they are uber-slow when they are “open” to serve you. And I don’t know what the deal is, but it must take like 21 hours to clean their shake machine cause it’s always in the process of being cleaned anytime I show up at a Jack in the Box. I don’t even try anymore.


    Well it’s looking like Hag Thanksgiving will be spent on the move. We’re picking up a load in the wee hours of Thursday morning and headed to Dallas for Friday delivery. Which will take us right by our absolute favorite restuarant in the entire country, but I doubt they will be open on Thanksgiving.

    That’s a good article about that Beagle. I knew they used Beagles at airports and bus stations because they are every bit as good at detection as German Shepards but they don’t scare people like the bigger dogs did. Maggie would be too busy making everyone pet her to do her job. LOL

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