Hijacker

2008 December 9
by Stace

Outside a Love’s truck stop –

Hedon (while climbing into truck): I’ve got an “Overheard in the Truck” for you. Prepare to record it, woman.

Stace: Ummhmm.

Hedon: Are you listening to me? Jot down notes as I tell you what just happened.

Stace: Okay, but this better be funny. I’m in the middle of something, here.

Hedon: Okay, here it is. So I was taking in the porta-potty to empty it, and I was just walking along thinking about what nickname to give Big Brain. I walked into the restroom, and I see this guy. I thought, “Why is that guy peeing in the sink?” Then I realized he was peeing in a urinal,┬ábut I’m already two steps into the room.

Stace: Ummhmm.

Hedon: I had walked into the men’s restroom on accident. It’s Karma, see? All those poor women who have walked into restrooms and have had to stop and do a double-take at the name on the bathroom door because they saw me at the sink — they’ve now had their revenge. It’s Karma.

Stace: Is that the funny part?

Hedon: I thought it was. So anyway, when I realized it was a guy, I made this snorting sound like it was all his fault and then I left.

Stace: So is that the funny part?

Hedon: I thought it was kind of funny. You know, snorting like it was his fault and all.

Stace: Well, it’s amusing. I’ve give that to ya.

Hedon: Okay, what if when I snorted, I startled the guy and he whirled around in surprise, still holding his penis, spraying pee all over the floor in the process.

Stace: That might be funny if it actually happened. But it didn’t.

Hedon: But it could have. It probably should have. I don’t see how anyone could ignore a snort like that. It probably happened but I just didn’t see it because I had already turned around. Who knows what happens when your back is turned.

Stace: …

Hedon: Some guy could have walked in after that, and because you just know the other guy didn’t clean up his pee, this new guy probably slipped in it. So then he’s lying on the floor in all this pee and thinking about how much his life sucks, considering what would be closest university with a bell tower …

Stace: I hate to interrupt, but I’m just wondering … Big Brain has hijacked this conversation, hasn’t he?

Hedon: It’s entirely possible that he has.

Stace: So, is there any chance we might return to a rational conversation any time soon?

Hedon: I don’t think so. He’s pretty worked up over getting himself a nickname. You’d better go back to what you were doing for awhile. I’ll let you know.

Stace: Cool.

6 Responses
  1. 2008 December 9

    First? You two are right up the road from me & Hellbilly. Next time we’ll have to cook you breakfast!
    Second? I swear to Dr. Thunder that you’ve been recording conversations between Hellbilly and I and have decided to type one up and put it into this post! ha ha ha!
    Unfortunately, I’m the one with the Big Brian thing going on. I feel your pain Hedon.
    And Stace, I’m sure Hellbilly would feel your pain as well.

  2. 2008 December 9

    Mongoliangirl,

    I noticed we were in the same neck of the woods. And you are even closer to where I grew up. As a matter of fact, considering where you live and your ranch/horses I’m pretty sure we may have some mutual friends.

  3. 2008 December 9
    Belledog permalink

    Breaking news about a real truckjacking, reported here in DC area.

    Appears a Western Express tractor/trailer was in a police chase from Germantown MD (along I-270) to the Tysons Corner area in Northern VA. Police had been chasing it for several miles and cleared the road around it. Truck swerved frequently; finally took the exit and driver piled it into a retaining wall. Was apprehended.

    Reports are the truck was hijacked out of New Jersey; company says their truck is supposed to be in Louisiana and they don’t think it’s their driver (!) onboard.

    TV video images of police surrounding the stopped truck, an enthusiastic police German Shepherd at the ready.

    [Of all the places to ditch a truck or try to escape: it's hard to get around Tysons in a small car!]

    your crime correspondent,
    Belledog

  4. 2008 December 9

    I think most women have accidentally walked into the men’s room at some point. I know I have, though I was too shocked to do anything other than turn around and walk out. Snorting like it was his fault is pretty funny…and then to picture the scenario that could have followed…totally Big Brain. Now I’m curious what nickname Big Brain will get.

  5. 2008 December 10
    Belledog permalink

    keeping to the theme: I accidentally walked into a men’s room freshman year in college and came up behind one of my professors at a urinal. Don’t think he ever saw me, but I always felt so strange around him after that.

    And he was a great professor! Excellent teacher; went on to politics and broadcasting field. I hope he might return to teaching after retirement. He rewarded every minute of attention. You can’t say that about many.

  6. 2008 December 10
    Belledog permalink

    Update on that DC area hijacking story involving Western Express tractor-trailer: it WAS their driver! That’ll be good for the industry’s image!

    Driver Vernon Jones vamoosed after trying to use a false SSN at a weigh station stop. He was on probation after a conviction for assault with intention to murder (a girlfriend, many years back). There was a warrant out for his violation of parole 10 years ago.

    Truck Leads Police on Wild Md.-Va. Chase

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/12/09/AR2008120902208.html?hpid=moreheadlines

    memo to WaPost headline writers: the truck was an unwilling accomplice! Driver at fault here! As if US vehicles don’t suffer enough bad cred…

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