Damn — missed it

2009 February 17
by Stace

This is why I would never make a good grade school teacher — I forgot all about President’s Day yesterday. And this on the heels of my Valentine’s Day post, where I blogged my little heart out about the holiday. Well, I shall attempt to remedy the situation immediately.

Hmm. What to say about President’s Day?

Gosh, well, it’s a special time to reflect on all the greatness that has passed gas in the White House. President Taft comes to mind immediately. I bet he ate a lot of sausage and beans. Chester Arthur and Grover Cleveland were something of big guys, too, so let’s remember them as well. Then I think of Teddy Roosevelt. Roughriders, hanging out with the soldiers, lots of canned beans by the campfire. Guess that’s why I would think of him on the day of days.

W.H. Harrison

W.H. Harrison

And it’s a day to consider the presidents who would have been most likely to pick their noses while no one was watching. I have no doubt G.W. Bush did a few roll and flicks during his tenure (you knew I would choose him). Surely William Henry Harrison wiped a few under the presidential desk. I mean, look at that nose. He didn’t have much time, though, since he was only president for a month. Good thing for Tyler, huh? I mean a good thing that Harrison didn’t have a lot of time to coat the underside of the presidential desk, not that he died. Though maybe Tyler would have disagreed on that.

Yep, it’s a special day. I’m fairly sort of sure that I may have read somewhere that Franklin Pierce and Calvin Coolidge, though they lived something like 70 years apart from one another, shared a common love of lounging on the presidential divan and digging at their belly button lint. Ahh, some pleasures are ageless.

And who among our fine leaders could have resisted taking a leak in the White House rose garden? Bill Clinton and Harry Truman, being from Arkansas and Missouri, respectively, would not have been able to deny the pleasure, what with pissing off the porch practically being the official pasttimes of both states. It would have been unpatriotic of them to abstain.

Finally, let’s not forget John Quincy Adams, the president who demanded a two-foot-tall pile of handbills be present in every commode in the White House (I probably read that somewhere, too). Adams left the legacy that great things can take a great deal of time to complete. Seems obvious to us now, sure, but that was back in the day when everything was all about bodily humors and the like. Adams was ahead of his time. Bless him.

President’s Day was yesterday. I hope we all remembered to remember. I didn’t, but hey, we’re not talking about me here.

2 Responses
  1. 2009 February 17

    I’m kind of glad you’re not a teacher… my son spends way too much time thinking about those things already! Of course, you’d be the coolest teacher in the school.

  2. 2009 February 17

    Somehow, there’s a 12-year-old boy in my head that demands to speak every so often.

    As for teaching, I subbed a million years ago. The kids threw spitballs at me and cussed me out in bad French. It completely interrupted the novel I was reading.

    Safe to say, I won’t be returning to a classroom at any time in the future.

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