Stupidity on Parade

“I was just following orders”

This second story in our Celebration of Stupidity was told to me by a driver of a major trucking company that is well known for hiring newbies. I have never driven for them so I don’t personally know anything at all about them but this guy was telling me about how stupid many of their drivers were and how he got tired of being lumped in with them. This is one of the examples he used:

I was just rolling along west-bound on I-40 in California minding my own business. Then I realized I was coming up on another of our trucks going pretty slow so I hopped on the cb to say “hi” and to see if everything was ok with them. He answered back and told me that he had taken the wrong trailer out of our yard in Phoenix and his dispatcher was yelling at him over the Qualcomm. I asked him what was wrong with the trailer and he was telling me that it was too long for California. Then he was telling me how his dispatcher was saying that the fine if he got caught by the DOT with that trailer in California was huge.

All this time he just kept driving slower. Well I stayed behind him and put my flashers on cause he was weaving a little on the road and I figured that was just cause he was trying to type messages to his dispatcher and drive at the same time. Also, he seemed pretty upset. I figured it wouldn’t take too long for him to get it all straightened out then I would be on my way. But he just kept getting slower and slower.

I was just reaching for my cb mic to tell him he needed to speed up a little when he put his left signal on, slammed hard on his brakes, moved into the left lane and made a left turn right into the median. Damn near got smashed into by two four wheelers in the hammer lane in the process. I had no idea what the hell was going on so I pulled over on the right shoulder and stopped, too. I tried to raise him on the cb but he wasn’t answering me.

I hopped out of the truck and crossed over to where he was sitting across the median. Luckily the median was pretty wide and flat because he was sitting completely across it. Before I even got very close I could tell he was stuck in the deep sandy dirt and was trying to get up the little rise and out onto the east-bound side. But that truck wasn’t going anywhere cause he was just digging those drives in deeper every second. I pounded on his door and when he rolled down the window I asked him what in the world was going on. He actually looked all pissed off and said, “Great! Now they’ve got me stuck here!”

I had no idea what the hell he was talking about so I asked him who had him stuck there. He said, ”My dispatcher that’s who.” Well… I’ll be honest… I didn’t really know what to say to that. Finally I just asked him how his dispatcher had gotten him stuck all the way across the median on an interstate in the middle of the Mohave desert. He started waving his Qualcomm around in the air, looked down at me with a very red  –  very angry  —  face and said, “He told me to turn this truck around immediately and return to Arizona without stopping anywhere… so I did… and now I’m stuck.”

I just stood there open-mouthed. I looked west past the nose of his tractor to the exit and overpass that was only about a mile and a half west of where we were sitting. Finally I couldn’t resist pointing at it and asking him if maybe he didn’t think his dispatcher would have preferred that he take that exit up there and use the bridge to get headed back east instead of trying to drive through the median. He actually stared at me and said real snotty, “If he wanted me to take an exit to turn around he should have said so.”

After that I went back to my truck and told my dispatcher everything that had happened. Then my dispatcher asked me to stick around and try to keep some type of control on the situation. It ended up with two full-grown bears having to close down I-40 east-bound for the wrecker to be able to pull him back up out onto the highway. Then the bears proceeded to write him several tickets, but I’m not sure exactly what for. I was trying to stay far enough out of the way that they wouldn’t think we were together. I tell you it’s hard to work for a company that’s full of idiots.

I’d say if that story really was true he made a pretty good case for his company having the most utterly retarded drivers. That is one of the most pathetic cases I have ever heard about. Damned funny… but seriously pathetic… so pathetic you almost feel bad for laughing at him… almost.