Blame Betsey

Ok… I seriously sat down here intending to write a brilliant — probably earth-shattering — post about something or other. I hadn’t really picked the topic yet but was pretty sure it would come to me once I started writing. While I was waiting for the magic to happen, I decided to go drop by one of my favorite haunts online: Betsey Booms’ Crazy Man Jones. I swear I was only planning to stay for a minute or two and then head back over here and let the awesome post that was floating just under the surface surge onto the screen.

That was the plan. I don’t know if you’ve ever visited Betsey, but if you have you know why nothing worked out the way it was supposed to. In the beginning it was ok. I read a couple of posts. Oh sure I laughed out loud, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. I was in control. Then I read a few more posts. And laughed some more. Laughed harder. Then the next thing I knew I was pawing through her archives like a junkie digging through the sand under a boardwalk for his missing hoho. (I don’t know how the junkie dropped his delicious pastry product in the sand and it doesn’t really matter.) The point is that I love Betsey. And she makes me laugh. A lot. So when I saw that she was nominated for some Bloggers’ Choice Awards I had to go vote for her. Obviously. And it takes forever to sign up and all that so they will let you vote.

Then after I had voted for Betsey — who obviously IS the “Hottest Mommy Blogger” out there — I saw that Ask and You Shall Receive had been nominated, too, but not in the “Hottest Mommy Blogger” category which must be a relief for Father Gene, Nutjobber and Key. Clearly I am going to vote for ”Ask” cause I think they are awesome! They must be the “Best Blog about Blogging” out there even if they don’t offer free WordPress themes with kitties on the border. Anyway, voting for them and scouting out their weak-ass competition took a while, too.

Then I just got to reading around at the Bloggers’ Choice site and looking at all the different categories. I decided I was going to nominate Highway Hags for something. They didn’t have a trucking category of course so I checked out the “Travel Blogs” front-runners. Hmmm. Let’s see…

A blog about selling everything your family owns and becoming nomads (although I’d just like to say if they really sold everything to become wandering nomads how are they posting every day, huh? Tree mail? Telepathy?)

A blog about how “we all just picked up and moved to China and now we live in some little Chinese village and we speak some Chinese language. Aren’t we just too cool?” (sigh)

A blog about how hard it is to walk across an entire continent with no shoes and ingrown toenails. (But which continent, huh? Ok… I probably made this one up but only because it doesn’t have a lot of votes yet and I didn’t want to dig that deep)

A blog that not only mentions everyplace the guy goes (a la Hags) but then also gives interesting little lessons and facts about the new place he’s visiting — and apparently his pictures don’t suck ass either (obviously some sort of crazy over-achiever or something)

In the end I decided the Travel Category didn’t appear to be the place for us. The Humor Category won’t work either cause then we would have to spend the rest of the year whoring for humor votes by not posting any rants or stuff… well and trying to be funny and such. You know we can’t go that long without ranting about something or other. Besides, I already voted for Blanca DeBree Blog for best Humor Blog and I really don’t think you should nominate yourself in a category where you would vote for someone else… and campaign for them… and tell all your potential voters to go vote for the other blog instead. And all because Blanca is the only site on the web that once made me pee my pants just a little tiny bit cause I was laughing so hard. Not that you all need to bother remembering that last fact. The point is that I love Blanca and we can’t be nominated as a Humor Blog.

Hmmm… maybe “Best Blog About Stuff” or “Best Food Blog” cause I’m pretty sure that sometimes we write about stuff and I think I’ve now posted two different recipes. Or wait maybe I only posted one recipe and thought about posting another one but never did… how many recipes do you think you have to post before you can nominate yourself for “Best Food Blog?” Probably more than two, huh?

Then there’s “The Blogitzer” category but that won’t work for two reasons. First, it’s for the blogger who demonstrates “the best writing ability on his or her blog” and let’s face it we all know I’m prone to blathering on occasion… like right now for example. Second, Dooce is currently number one in that slot so that about sums that category up.

In the end I think I have it narrowed down to “Best Business Blog” or “Best Entertainment Blog” or “Best Shopping Blog” but I can’t decide which category we would have a better chance in. So I need some help here. Which one should I nominate Highway Hags in? Or maybe all three? Do you think if I go with the shopping category I can get by with just posting about what I bought at WalMart once a month? That would have to be enough cause that’s all the shopping I ever do. But why anyone would care that “this month I had to buy three deodorants instead of just two and two packages of paper plates so I got the ones with the blue pattern cause I think they look more festive than the green ones” is beyond me.

Hmmm. This whole world-domination-through-a-Bloggers’-Choice-Award-category stuff is all very complicated. Let me know what you all think. There’s also a “Best Religion Blog” category and I do say “god” a lot if you think that would be a better fit.