Piper-paying
I have been thinking about all this piper-paying to be done in the near future. Mostly as it concerns exercise. Exercise and I have a long and checkered past. I have always been quite large, but when I was a young kid I was extremely active. I would ride my bike for hours every day all summer. I loved the wind in my face. Which would explain why when I got my motorcycle at 15 I was even more in love. Much faster therefore much more wind in the face, but that’s a different story.
Anyway, back to the dreaded exercise. Although I had always been very active, I continued to grow larger. By the time I hit High School I weighed about 200 pounds. Freshman gym class was a nightmare for me and frankly I refused to dress-out so many times that I ended up damn near failing that class. Ugh. Just managed to squeak by with a D- but that was good enough so I moved on with my life.
Our sophomore year, we could choose from several different semester-long PE options. They included things like gymnastics, running, weightlifting, basketball, etc. The first semester the only thing that looked appealing to me was weightlifting. It’s not exactly like I thought it might be fun. To be honest I chose it in part because it seemed less horrifying than any of the other options. The only problem is that a female had never before taken the weightlifting class and the powers that be were none too sure that it was a good idea.
I’m sure that due to the school district’s very clear memory of my mom’s campaign a few years before to open up eighth grade shop class to any female that wanted to take it… the principal decided I could take weightlifting. I bet they didn’t want to have to tangle with Mom again about the state of the country, women’s rights, and how important shop weightlifting could be to a woman’s self-image, etc. 
Whatever made them change their minds, I was enrolled in weightlifting. I can’t really say I looked forward to it, but I was at least approaching it with an open mind. Needless to say the guys in the class weren’t exactly thrilled to see me walk down the stairs into the weight room, and in the beginning I was pretty much shunned during class. Not that I gave a damn. I was discovering to my wonder that I actually liked lifting. It was really hard, of course, but there was something about the whole just-you-and-the-machine-and-can-you-beat-last-Friday’s-best-weight aspect of it that I found kinda thrilling.
After a while, the other guys loosened up and we all started working together. I worked really hard and made great strides. By Christmas I was out lifting several of them. I was eagerly looking forward to the spring semester. Then disaster struck. I found out that I couldn’t take weightlifting two semesters in a row. Why they had let me sign up for it both semesters I still don’t know. But the school insisted that I had to take an aerobic-type PE class in the spring. And they wouldn’t budge. By that time the only class with spots available was gymnastics.
Now I ask you… gymnastics? I mean I still weighed over 200 pounds. There’s a reason those little USA gymnasts are like 82 pounds. That’s because if someone the size I was tried to do some sort of backwards-flipping-tumbling-handstandy thing their arms would just snap off when they landed in the final position a la SpongeBob. Not a pretty thought. To be honest the whole idea terrified me. I could just see myself attempting a somersault thing and breaking my neck as my giant body crashed down wrong somehow in the middle of it.
Mom went to bat for me again. She didn’t try to fight the no-weightlifting decision because that was their rule and they obviously weren’t going to budge. But she did insist that there must be some sort of aerobic-exercise-based compromise we could reach. Compromise they did. I spent that whole semester running and walking (overwhelmingly walking) for an hour every day around the outside of the gym while all the little thin people did gymnastics. Man, I hated that.
Much as I hated run-walking in gym class, I still enjoyed going to the weight room after school and was still making progress. Then I got an almost full-time job after school and just didn’t have time to go anymore. So between giving up weightlifting and hating being the lone loser walking (and running occasionally for a few steps) around the gym once a day that was pretty much the end of exercising for me.
Until college. Imagine my surprise when I went back to school after the young one was born and found out I had to take two PE credits to get my degree. By this time I was much closer to the 300 pound end of the spectrum than the 200 pound end. Sigh. What the hell was I going to do? I took bowling, of course. Anyone can bowl… including me. Turned out that I wasn’t a very good bowler but I pulled a respectable “B” out of the class and moved on with my life.
Then I only needed one more credit. Hmmm. What to do. What to do. I ended up choosing “Folk and Square Dancing” because honestly I guess I had taken leave of my senses. Not only was I close to 300 pounds, I was also virtually incapable of “feeling the beat” as they say. Went to the first couple of classes and tried really hard. It was painful. Painful to do and I found out later painful to watch. As the deadline for no-penalty dropping of classes drew near we were trying to learn the Hora. One day the instructor called me into her office. I remember she had some sort of Eastern European accent. She sat me down in a chair and started, “You try so hard. You work very hard but you can not do the dance. You will not pass in this class. Your dance makes all Jews’ hearts bleed with the tears. You must drop this class.” Well. What the hell was there to do? I mean honestly… I didn’t want to be responsible for making all Jews everywhere have their hearts bleeding with tears over how badly I danced the Hora. I dropped the class.
But I still needed a PE credit. I decided on golf. How hard could golf be anyway? It was a summer class and I showed up every day out at the local golf course. Things were progressing right along and, while I certainly wasn’t any good, I didn’t think I was making Nancy Lopez’s heart bleed or anything. I really liked the instructor and found out a few weeks in that he really liked me, too.
One day he said, “Hey, ‘Smith’ I look forward to waking up every morning because of you.”
Somewhat shocked, I said, “Oh really? Why?”
He literally slapped his knee and said, “Well you may not actually be the worst golfer I’ve ever taught in 18 years of teaching, but you’re certainly the most entertainingly bad golfer I’ve ever taught. I laugh about you all night long. Then I look forward to seeing what you’ll do the next day.”
Ever one to capitalize on a situation, I smiled and said, “All that entertainment value alone should be worth giving me at least a “B” don’t you think?”
He just laughed and walked off. I guess Nancy Lopez was sitting alone somewhere with her heart bleeding the tears because someone with no love of the game had handed me a 3 wood. Too bad, Nancy, cause I ended up pulling a “C” out of that class and that was more than good enough for me. All PE credits fulfilled. Oddly enough I also ended up liking golf. I never got any good at it or anything but it was fun. Stace and I bought clubs and used to go play, but eventually life got in the way and we lost interest.
That was pretty much it on the exercise front. And that was like 16 years ago. Now I’m 380 pounds and looking at needing one more PE credit. What to do. What to do. I walk with the dog of course, but not for very long and not very fast. For the foreseeable future I think the prudent thing to do is just work on walking more and faster without keeling over of a heart attack. But eventually I feel like I will have to come up with a sport that I like. I will need something to focus on in order to make it interesting enough to keep after it. I was thinking maybe after we have our own truck and trailer I would have Stace’s step-dad build me a bike. By that time some of the weight should be gone so I could ride again. I used to love riding my bike back in the day, and besides I bet Lance Armstrong hasn’t ever had anyone make his heart “bleed the tears” like I apparently will when I set foot to pedal. It would probably be good for him. It would certainly be good for me.
I also Hate, hate, hate exercise. When asked, “Do you run?” I always reply, “Yes, I run, when something bigger and meaner than me is chasing me.” My sympathies, Hedon.
Oh, Hedon….I so feel your pain. I have ALWAYS hated PE. I always took what I thought would be the “easier” class. I loved swimming but hated anything track or running related. And I really have no interest in any sports, so nothing in that department intrigued me.
When I was in high school, I had gym class everyday. I thought I would die. Then we moved to Arizona and they had gym class every other day, so I thought my every day classes in my old high school would have more than made up for what I’d have to take in AZ….I mean, I was already ahead of them. No go.
In Arizona, they did a lot of stuff outside, one of the thing being a Par Course. OMG, I seriously hated it. It could bring me to tears.
Like you, I was very active when I was younger…swimming, riding bikes, climbing trees, playing baseball with my brother, running around our property, sledding in the winter….lots of stuff….but I was also bigger than other girls my age…it was just my makeup.
I really despise exercise and as much as I keep “trying” to get a walk in here and there, it’s so easy to skip a day, then two, then a week and before you know it, you haven’t walked for exercise in months.
It’s going to be hard, no doubt. But it truly is a matter of a better quality of life….and I’m getting very inspired by you both. If you’re going to be thin truck drivers, I want to be a thin truck driver!
By the way – have you guys received your food yet from NutriSystem? When you do, let me know how it is and how you’re doing with it. I’ve considered doing the same program with Ed, figuring it would be easy now with the storage we have in the truck. I might have to look into it again.
I think of you guys everyday and I am rooting for your success in everything….the diet, exercise, truck and trailer purchase, etc.
Talk to you soon!
CAPTCHA: “and cerebrum” – so maybe it IS all in our heads!
Cycling is great, unless I have a super-long training ride, it always feels like play-time for me. I occasionally ride with a lady who has lost a fair bit of weight by cycling (she’s still over 200 lbs). She just started slow and has worked her way up to where she’s riding 26 miles every Sunday plus some shorter distances when she can fit it in during the week. Plus it’s non-impact so no jarring of the joints. Also you might consider lifting weights again, very important for us women to prevent bone-loss.
Gabby
p.s. I also hated/dreaded/despised and tried to weasel my way out of p.e. whenever I could too. I’m very uncoordinated and the quickest way to make me throw things is try to force me to do some sort of “dance” aerobics, yuck (eww, now I have visions of those horrid leotards from the 80s)
Decorina,
LOL They would have to be a LOT bigger than me to get me running.
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Salena,
I hear you on just skipping one day of exercising… then two… then it’s been a month. I just keep thinking if only I could find something to do that didn’t suck ass it would be different. If I enjoyed it I would be more likely to do it regularly.
I know that some people do look forward to exercising. Course I also know that it is way different when you’re as big as I am. When thin little people in the past have said something like, “Just get out there and do it! No pain no gain! We all hurt some when we start out! Blah blah blah…” I just wanted to smack them.
No… what I really wanted to say is, “Look, you are like half my size. Imagine what it would be like to get out there and run the track if you had another you strapped on your back. That’s what it feels like for me. I’m not saying that it’s not my own damn fault, and I’m not saying that I don’t need to do it anyway. I’m just saying that it hurts to hit the track so back off with all your Pollyanna pep-talk bullshit.”
It’s weird being this size. When I was younger I would think of my weight as something in terms of a child. Like, “I need to lose a six year old.” Then, as I got older and heavier, I began thinking, “Good lord, to be at their recommended weight for my height, I need to lose a whole adult.”
Now, at 380, I don’t just need to lose an adult… I need to lose a morbidly-obese adult. I need to lose like… Tom Arnold. It’s pretty overwhelming if I think about it very long. But Stace says don’t think about it that way — just focus on making small changes that are going to lead to us having healthier lives. So that’s what I’m trying to do. On the diet front and on the exercise front. I don’t know what else to do.
I’m glad you’re getting inspired to make some changes, too. Things like this are always easier if you do it with friends, I think. But I’m pretty damned sure I’m never going to be a thin trucker. I’d be happy with just being a relatively healthy overweight trucker.
We have got the NutriSystem stuff. Well, it was delivered to Stace’s mom after we left so we haven’t had a chance to try it yet. She called to let us know the boxes had come and that they are quite big. We will start on the plan when we get home next time. Lord only knows where we are going to put a month’s worth of all those little containers in the truck when we come back out. I guess we’ll figure something out.
Thanks, chick! Talk to you soon.
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Gabby,
I think you’re right about the cycling. I used to love it when I was a kid. Also, I like that it’s non-impact. I think getting a bike and being healthy enough to ride when I want is something I’m actually starting to look forward to.
I have been considering how to do weights in the truck, but haven’t really come up with anything yet. There’s no hurry though this is a process of changing things for the rest of our lives.
LOL on those hideous leotards! And on even more hideous “dance aerobics.” Years ago a good friend and I bought these exercise tapes by this guy named Tony Little. He wore those little leotards and would repeat, “You can do it!” about 300 times in five minutes.
Stace still laughs about the time she came home from work and found the two of us sitting on the couch watching Tony work out and eating Doritos. As it turns out, despite Tony’s constant cheerleading, we couldn’t do it.
I like reading your site and keeping up with your prep for races. It made me go check out this program called “Couch potato to 5k” or something like that. It did make me think about the future. Obviously that is far beyond me right now, but that doesn’t mean it will always be so.
Lol, too, too funny.
I was the PE major who also hated the required “dance” classes.
Good luck with the exercise and diet. A double pain.
Quit smoking over a year ago and the pounds came piling on. No more nicotine to boost metabolism. So now I do interval running, which is helping to control this situation. I’m 48 and have never been athletic, and I HATE running. But I’m doing it. Out of courtesy to the 48 year old knees, I’m doing walk 3 minutes / run two or three minutes, 3 miles at a time, 3 days a week. It sucks, but I’m doing it. I so feel your pain!
Tink *~*~*
limericc,
Yeah I don’t really know what the hell I was thinking… I mean Folk Dancing?! Seriously?! Stace always threatened to come watch the class sometime, but I dropped before she had the chance. At the beginning of the semester she kept saying that she could die happy if only they would have a required show around Christmas and I would have to wear that long peasant dress and apron to dance in. Like that was ever going to happen.
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Hey Tink,
Welcome! I’m dreading quitting smoking for several reasons and that’s a big one right there. My metabolism already appears to be on a par with a sea slug so I can’t really afford the nicotine withdrawl dip. We do have to quit though and the sooner the better.
I’m impressed that you just started running. I figure after I have some of this weight off it may be something I try out. Right now I really don’t think it’s an option, but hopefully it will be in the not too distant future.
I feel YOUR pain!