Eight pounds… well maybe

2009 June 9
by Hedon

I’m not sure that I actually lost eight pounds. The afternoon that we got home I immediately stepped on the scale and it said I had GAINED two pounds! GAINED TWO POUNDS!! After three weeks of eating salads and DRINKING WATER!  Oh… hell… no!!

Now as you might imagine… I was a bit peeved… one might even say that I was on the verge of a conniption that at the very least included carting fancy-pants new scale down to the river behind the house and flinging it as far as my apparently two-pound-heavier arms could manage.

Not wanting to go through the hassle of waiting for me to buy another — more user friendly — scale, Stace suggested that I wait until morning and try weighing again then. Reluctantly I agreed. During the rest of that night I shot enough seething vengeful looks at fancy-pants scale that even an inanimate object could figure out that self-preservation required immediate action to appease the very large very angry woman.

The next morning I walked slowly up to fancy-pants as if we were facing each other on a dusty street at high noon. Just to give fancy-pants every chance of surviving the next few minutes, I stripped down to only boxers  –  my thought being that the few minutes it would take to get enough clothes on to head down to the river without horrifying the neighbors might be all that stood between fancy-pants-$45-scale and a watery grave if it still insisted that I had gained two pounds. Hearing the traditional gun-fight music soundtrack in my head, I paused for a moment, took a deep breath and then stepped up. I stood stock still and waited for the little digital display to determine fancy-pants’ fate.

“372″   Ok then… eight pounds… that’s more like it. You survive another month, my friend, well done.

6 Responses
  1. 2009 June 10

    Snort! Never, ever weigh at night. 1st rule of the diet girlfriend! Never at night. Always in the am, after you get up and pee. Then you weigh.
    8 pounds! Whoohoo!

  2. 2009 June 11

    I’m with Decorina….NEVER weigh at night. And in the morning, pee first, just like she said.

    I carry a fancy pants scale in the truck (I know – why would I want it that close??) and if it doesn’t give me a number I’m happy with, I move it. I’ll weigh in the front of the sleeper, then I’ll move it to the back. Sometimes I step off to reset it and let it redeem itself. Sometimes I talk to it. Or tap it with a toe to lightly remind it what it should say. Wink Wink.

    But digital doesn’t lie. In fact, it’s a little too accurate. At least on a scale with a needle you can tilt your head ever so slighty and be a hair lighter (or heavier, depending on which way you tilted).

    After reading this, I decided to get back on it. I did positively shitty last week, so I started to eat better this week (but since we’re off and out exploring, I haven’t really be strict) so I didn’t expect much.

    But lo and behold, I am lighter by 1.6 pounds. Yay! The hags inspire once again.

  3. 2009 June 13

    well, not having a scale on the truck….and giving a wide bearth to those \dropaquarterin andreadyourweight\ monstrosities placed at the entrance to some truckstop restrooms, i have no idea how last week went for me…..nonetheless, i choose to just dance and bask in the sunshine of your successes!!!…..

  4. 2009 June 13


    Just agreeing with the never, ever, ever weigh at night. I always weigh first thing in the morning stripped down to the skivvies.

    Congrats on the weight loss, just remember slower is usually better if you want to keep it off. Now if I could only convince one of my husband’s friends of that. He crash diets, yo-yos on his weight, and flat out obsesses worse than any woman I know.

  5. 2009 June 14

    I agree with weighing only in the morning. And like Gabby said, slower is better. I expect much smaller numbers next month, since our diet plan is very reasonable, and after the first big drop, should give much more modest results. I may have to put the scale in protective custody next time home. :-)

  6. 2009 June 14

    Another vote for weigh in the morning. I do it naked, before breakfast. Experimented & found out peeing didn’t make any difference for me. I also weigh daily. Guess what-your weight will fluctuate up to about 3 lbs. either way. It’s not always the same. So don’t sweat anything 3 lbs or less. Having said that, I’m trying to maintain. So, since you’re working on losing, you’re probably right to stick to your current schedule. Congrats! You’re both an inspiration.

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