Embarrass this. Embarrass that.

2009 July 24
by Hedon

Here’s the story which you can read in it’s entirety at Yahoo:

PATNA, India (Reuters) – Farmers in an eastern Indian state have asked their unmarried daughters to plow parched fields naked in a bid to embarrass the weather gods to bring some badly needed monsoon rain, officials said on Thursday.

Witnesses said the naked girls in Bihar state plowed the fields and chanted ancient hymns after sunset to invoke the gods. They said elderly village women helped the girls drag the plows.

“They (villagers) believe their acts would get the weather gods badly embarrassed, who in turn would ensure bumper crops by sending rains,” Upendra Kumar, a village council official, said from Bihar’s remote Banke Bazaar town.

I had no idea that would work. Now I’m thinking about all the situations I could be fixing just by being naked…

Hedon and Stace show up at a West Memphis truck stop at about 01:00 and there are no parking spots. Stace reluctantly prepares to drive on but Hedon has a plan. Stripping off all her clothes, Hedon jumps out of the truck and starts dancing around the parking lot nekkid in an effort to embarrass the parking space gods into creating an open parking spot that is easy to hit. Several drivers see Hedon, assume the rapture has happened and this is obviously the signal for the start of Satan’s reign on earth, and roar out of the parking lot. Hedon smugly parks in a great spot next to the building.

Hedon goes into yet another Subway to get some lunch. The Subway is no longer offering the Tuscan Chicken which had become Stace’s favorite. Hedon tries to order it anyway. They insist they don’t have it. Hedon sighs and prepares to force the issue by embarrassing the Subway sandwich gods with the naked dance of the fresh sandwich toppings. Halfway through the dance the police show up and Hedon is escorted off the premises. Hedon is thrilled because she didn’t want Subway anyway and now there’s nothing to be done about it.

The Hags get yet another crappy preplan over the DriverTech. Hedon promptly sheds the clothes, grabs the phone, and takes a video of herself dancing the “omg if your eyes were to fall out from watching this dance you would quit sending us such crappy loads” dance. The dance is then e-mailed to Uriah not only causing his eyes to fall out, but also causing the entire TWMNBN computer system to crash to a halt.

Finally home, Stace wants Hedon to sweep the dead leaves off the deck and straighten up the grill area. No longer a novice at this god-embarrassing thing, Hedon rips off the clothes quickly and starts doing the traditional “don’t make me do yard work” dance around the living-room to embarrass the white-trash-front-lawn gods. Stace laughs so hard she forgets what she was saying. Hedon goes back to watching tv.

Hedon can’t think of anything to post on her blog. She feels she is going to have to make an effort to embarrass the writer’s block gods…

11 Responses
  1. 2009 July 24

    Ohhhh myyyy god, that’s funny. Especially if you leave your shoes and socks on, which I know you would.

  2. 2009 July 24

    brad says as long as they’re not black sox……actually we have tried this….brad does the dancing since he has a cuter butt than i do….sometimes we get a spot….sometimes we just get some applause….

  3. 2009 July 24

    Laughing my (clothed) ass off!!!!!!!!

    Just one problem, don’t think it’ll work at W. Memphis, that’s just normal every night stuff there……….While I’m on the topic of W. Memphis I had a panhandler come up to me 3 weeks in a row with the same tired old story about his truck was broke down in the shop and he needed money for a motel ’cause his company wouldn’t give him an advance. Now, I’m fairly memorable with the tats so I was tempted to ask him just what drugs he was on that messed up his memory so bad.

  4. 2009 July 24
    Chaos permalink

    Perhaps I should do the “give me a good job, and make everything in this crappy apartment not fall apart, so I can save money” dance.

    *Sigh* ya know what’s sad? If it would work I would dance nekked in the yard in broad daylight.

    Man can you imagine if everyone started doing naked “give me this” or “dont make me do that” dances in public? …… we would probably all go blind.

  5. 2009 July 24
    punxxi permalink

    hahahahaha ! what a visual!

  6. 2009 July 25

    12:15 am… Hedon and Stace are sitting in a TA Truckstop shop trying to get the marker lights on their crappy trailer fixed. The shop guys seem to be moving awfully slow. Hedon is seriously considering whether or not to rip off the clothes to embarrass the slower-than-molasses-mechanics gods… in the end decides to give them thirty more minutes before the horrible dance of mechanic pain begins.

  7. 2009 July 25
    RogueShadow permalink

    I think I would have to hope we would go blind. The truckers here where we live are pretty….uh… unpleasant looking…

    Now to do the naked “give me a job, a boyfriend who isn’t a jerk, and a place to live dance.”

  8. 2009 July 25
    Decorina permalink

    I had my doubts about this post because I heard that story on the radio yesterday. But you turned it into pure gold. Shake it Hedon.

  9. 2009 July 26

    Once I walked into a McDonalds naked and got free food. (It just came angrily flying at me from all directions, lol)

    Actually, that’s kinda interesting about the India story.

  10. 2009 July 27

    The problem may be that I’m naked too often. Meaning, we live so far out in the middle of BFE that I’m often naked and can’t get a damn thing to happen. Perhaps getting dressed every now and again would get me a cup of coffee?

  11. 2009 July 30

    So far the nekkid embarrass the gods dance hasn’t actually been needed. I did have to threaten to use it on the girls at the Del Taco earlier… but once I explained the sword hanging over their heads so to speak they agreed that I could indeed get my tacos with no meat like it said right there on the menu. :)

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