Results are in … again
We did indeed make it home the night that I wrote my last post. A close shave on the quitting front, to be sure. I lasted all of about three minutes before heading to the scales. I had my fingers crossed for a five pound loss.
I didn’t get the fiver. I got six! Yay! Six more pounds gone. This makes a total of 43 pounds lost since the end of last May. Excellent.
I haven’t, until now, noticed much of a visible difference in how I looked. I felt better, and could get around easier, but I didn’t look any different.
Today, when I was getting ready to go out to lunch with my mom, I decided to give an old pair of jeans a try on. I haven’t worn these jeans in probably over four years. It’s been so long, really, that I’m not exactly sure when I outgrew them.
So, I tried them on. And they fit again. Suddenly, the weight loss felt real in a way that it hadn’t before.
I think what I’m happiest about, ultimately, is that we survived a very trying five weeks and didn’t give in to the temptation to use exhaustion and frustration as an excuse to abandon the changes we have made in our diets. I cannot say that we were even close to perfect, and some days we did better or worse than others. But, we kept at it. And that gives me hope that maybe we can make a real change in our lives.
We also discovered a few things about ourselves. I learned that a trigger which causes me to sabotage a diet is that when my life outside the diet begins to go wrong, I feel that I don’t have control over my life. I have used overeating as a means of regaining control. It’s something which began in my childhood, as are so many things, eh?
Now, I’m trying to use this to my advantage. When the shit starts hitting the fan, instead of following the instinct of shoving food in my mouth, I tell myself, if you want control, then DON’T eat. That’s real control. Surprisingly, this approach is working so far.
Hedon, too, is making giant strides in figuring out what causes some of her self-destructive behavior in regards to food. And her discoveries are helping her to begin changing old patterns.
It was such a strange five weeks. We were so tired, with intense sleep deprivation, and maybe this is what allowed some barriers to lower, and for us to see things in ways we hadn’t before. Or maybe it’s just coincidence.
Whatever it was, as long as we can remember what we’ve learned, I think we’ll have a definite advantage in permanently changing our relationships with food.