Stupid commercial

2009 December 6
by Hedon

Finally got to see the end of Ru Paul’s Drag Race today. Did you ever notice how incredibly weird Ru looks in a suit? I mean I’m all about people wearing what they want and presenting themselves to the world in the manner that feels most comfortable to them but honestly Ru Paul in a suit looks like drag to me. Not that that is a bad thing… just weird.

Another tv related thing. You know that Pier One commercial with the little woody station wagon ornament that drives off the real christmas tree with a little ornament-sized christmas tree on it’s roof? I hate that commercial. The little ornament tree is backward on the roof of the station wagon. I mean honestly. If that car drove home with that tree backwards like that it would be a disaster. I know. I know because it happened once when I was a kid.

We drove out to Uncle Walter’s farm and tromped all over the back forty looking for the perfect tree. We discounted at least twenty trees before finally deciding to go back and get the first one we had seen. Naturally. I should probably mention that in my family cedar trees were the norm not the traditional pine tree but honestly I doubt that it has any bearing on this story. So anyway, we found the perfect tree, cut it down, dragged it 35 miles back to the car, had supper with Uncle Walter and Aunt Arlene and finally tied the tree on the top of the car to head home. Problem is that we tied the tree on top first. Sigh. That seriously does not work if you plan to drive home like your ass is on fire which is apparently is how my mom decided to drive home that night.

So in short order we got home with our perfect christmas tree and excitedly took it off the car and stood it up in the living room. Now I don’t know if you’ve ever really looked at a cedar tree but generally they are very tapered to a pretty tight point from a wide base. Not this tree. Every single branch on one half of the entire length of the tree was either broken off or sticking straight out and the top was all shoved back so the branches were horizontal. So pretty much there was only this sad little naked Charley Brown trunk on the top third of the tree. It was honestly the ugliest tree ever. That 80 mph wind had beat the poor tree to shreds and all because it was facing the wrong way on the top of the car.

So now when I see that commercial with the little ornament tree tied backwards on the roof of the little ornament car all I can think is that tree is going to be completely ruined before it gets home. I mean what were they thinking? In all the various stops along the way to getting that commercial on the air didn’t anyone say, “Hey dude, you know that tree is on the little ornament car backwards, right?”

Bottom line… Pier One is now dead to me. Which might seem kinda extreme unless you know that I haven’t shopped at a Pier One in like twenty years so it’s not really that much of a sacrifice when you get right down to it. Still I might have suddenly lost my mind and felt an irresistible urge to buy imported decorating chachkas and now I can’t do it at Pier One thanks to that stupid commercial. Sigh. Stupid ornament. Stupid commercial. Sometimes it’s not easy to be me.

2 Responses
  1. 2009 December 6

    While you were shopping elsewhere Pier One has turned into something different. They appear to be trying to be oh, say, Ethan Allen or something like it. High prices, much less tchotskes and cheap imported stuff; just expensive Chinese furniture and rugs, mostly. To get a fix of the old Pier One you have to go to Cost Plus.

    Enjoy your vacation. There is always a place for teams as good and hard working as you two are.

    And I hear you about the ornament – but it is also probably made in China, and what do they know about loading X-mas trees on top of cars???

  2. 2009 December 17

    I kinda love Pier One but never shop there — I find I can get similar stuff elsewhere for less.

    As for the tree, I just learned something new. I like to think of myself as one with superior intelligence, and to me, it would seem that the point of the tree should be forward as the car moves forward for, I don’t know, better aerodynamics or something….it didn’t occur to me to put it the other way.

    That is what you’re saying right? Top of the tree facing the back of the car? Or am I still a dumbass?

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