And this little piggy cried …
He cried “Wii Wii Wii” all the way home, of course. I can’t remember what the other four piggies did. How strange. I think one had roast beef and the other had none. Which two piggies experienced this feast and famine is beyond me. Not that individual toes have names, like fingers. Or do they? Apart from in the medical terminology? I mean, I’m not likely to recall that the second metacarpal digitary footiculus member had roast beef, am I?
Back to the Wii. Hedon has been wanting this thing forever. I’ve failed to see the point of the purchase since we are never at home, and didn’t have room in the truck to carry it with us. I still kind of fail to see the point, what with we will eventually have to get off our asses and get back to work, and our space issues are unlikely to be changed once we are back on the road. But, what the hell. We’re going to be home for awhile.
So we have a Wii, our early Christmas present to one another. Much of this purchase was justified by telling ourselves that the game will be good for us — you know, get us moving and somesuch. It will help with the dieting. It will give us more stamina. It will cure my diabetes and any illness which might be loitering secretly within Hedon. The Wii will save us. We really like games, we used to play a lot of online slot machine games we found in First Comics News, but now is just video games.
Yup. That is exactly what has happened. We are now thin models of healthy perfection. The Wii has saved us.
Okay, maybe not. But that’s not the Wii’s fault. The only true fault of the Wii is that its possible health benefits are too easily sidestepped. We’re just too damned clever for it … and lazy.
We have actually only bought two games which are meant to require more physical movement than a twitching of the fingers: Wii Sports and Wii Sports Resort. And don’t bother asking me why we didn’t buy one of the actual fitness games. We just didn’t. The plan is to work up to something as strenuous as true fitness. And don’t bother asking me about the plan. I really shouldn’t have mentioned the plan at all, since it is a nasty elusive little bastard who refuses to be raised to fruition. Bastard.
We do have the sports games, though. These include things like tennis, baseball, boxing, bowling, golf, fencing, basketball, etc. Playing these games may not be a total body workout, but it’s more of a workout than say, Super Mario Brothers World. After all, you have to stand up to play these games, and you flail your arms around. In our shape, this is not something to be dismissed as a minor benefit.
Just one problem. Being wily and lazy, we have discovered that pretty much every one of these sports can be played while sitting in our big old recliners. Turns out, you can play a decent game of tennis while sitting on your ass. Your right arm has to flail about a great deal, but if you prop it up on the arms of the chair, you can significantly decrease the amount of calorie-burning and muscle building you might get otherwise.
Boxing is somewhat difficult to pull off in a chair. But we stuck to it and have accomplished this feat. And golf? You’d think that would be impossible. Nope. Never underestimate what laziness can do.
The other night, Hedon decided to be all virtuous and played boxing the real way for several hours. As a result of her desire to play properly, she had to take off a good 24 hours from Wii playing, thanks to the pulled shoulder and various other war wounds. She’d best reconsider being such a good girl in the future. Look at how she had to pay.
I, meanwhile, can work up something of a sweat while whacking my way across the countryside in the swordplay game. And do it while not getting out of the recliner. Swordplay will be my new road to fitness … and further me on the road to ninja-hood, or Xena-hood or whatever might involve the skills of sitting in a recliner while thwopping various opponents on the head with an electronic sword.